Your son is helping you with the dishes after Sunday dinner. Somewhere between the plates and the roasting pan, he mentions he’s started seeing a therapist. Work has been a lot, and he’s been sleeping badly.
“We never had that in my day,” you say. “We just got on with it.”
He nods, dries the pan, and changes the subject. You may not notice anything happened at all.
Most of the phrases below aren’t cruel. Many are things parents heard from their own parents, or say out of habit, worry, or a wish to be close. But said often enough, a few small phrases can teach an adult child to share a little less each time. Here are eight worth noticing, and what you might say instead.
1. “We never had that in my day.”
Back to the dishes. You may have meant it as a simple fact. Times were different, and you did get through hard things without much help.
But your son had just told you something personal. “We just got on with it” can sound like a verdict on him, and on the help he’s chosen.
A better response is curiosity: “I’m glad you told me. How’s it going so far?” You don’t have to understand it the way he does to be interested.
2. “That must be nice.”
Your daughter mentions a week in Portugal, o...